Sometimes I Love You
by Jayneysuk
Summary: Who would have imagined that Toby going scuba diving would have caused so much trouble. Set four years after Santos takes office. Josh and Donna but more likely Toby/CJ pairings.
1. Chapter 1

I actually started posting this on another group two years ago but never got around to finishing it. I'm watching my way through the seven seasons again and thought I might complete this, especially as it's been three years and I still miss the show. Believe it or not I do like Danny but he's damn inconvenient for me.

For Mel, because distance really isn't an obstacle to friendship

**Title: Sometimes I Love You**

**Pairing: Toby/CJ, a little Josh/Donna thrown in.**

**Rating: As always we start off PG and who knows what we'll end up with**

**Spoilers: The whole Kit and caboodle**

**Summary: Who would have imagined Toby going scuba diving would have caused so much trouble.**

**Disclaimer: They aren't mine, I'm just a single mom (and a broke one at that) enjoying a little **

**I Love You Chapter One**

There was something surreal about watching the next President of the United States be sworn in while it was scorching hot outside and you were eating pancakes in your pyjamas. Or probably not if you were accustomed to it but CJ was use to being at the heart of things. It was the first time in twelve years she hadn't been in DC, surrounded by the furore that accompanied such an event. It brought back all sorts of memories and emotions she kept hidden every day.

"So we finally voted a Republican in," Danny chuckled, entering the kitchen and stealing from her plate. "And it only took twelve years."

It was going to be one of those days, CJ concluded, the ones where she contemplated how long she would get for murdering him versus how long if she actually took the plunge and married him.

"Course they can't make as much of a cock up as the last guy."

CJ shot him a foul look that he chose to ignore. Santos, she was willing to admit, was no President Bartlet but Josh and Sam had done a good job and she was proud of most of the legislation they had managed to pass.

"But that's what you get for electing . . ."

The ringing of the phone interrupted what CJ knew would be a long sermon besmirching her friends hard work. She snatched it up. "CJ Cregg."

"CJ, it's Josh."

"Mon Ami, how's it going?" Her face lit up at the sound of his voice and she imagined him in what had once been her office, feet up on the desk, lapping up the final took a deep breath and squeezed Donna's hand tighter.

"Effectively I'm unemployed, and homeless too, I suppose, seeing as I've practically lived here for four years."

"You'll get used it. And now you have no excuse for not coming to visit."

"Josh," Donna said softly and urgently.

"Is Donna there?" CJ asked, still bemused by the quirkiness of their relationship.

Donna took the phone from his hand, sliding into his lap and making herself comfortable. "CJ, it's me."

"Hey you." CJ tossed her plate in the sink and padded out onto the decking to join Danny and the baby.

"I don't know how to tell you. I'm not even sure there's something to tell. . . CJ, I thought you should know. Toby's missing."

Slowly, her mind working in overdrive, CJ turned from her family and began to pace the deck. "What?"

Donna rolled her eyes as Josh refused to take back the phone. "He went on vacation. We know he went scuba diving, beyond that . . .," she trailed off, silently watching Josh self-destruct, and not wanting to voice her own fears.

"Is he. . .?" CJ asked, her voice cracking.

"They don't know." The three words hung in the air. "CJ?"

"Can I call you back?"

"Sure, on my cell. Or at the apartment. We're heading there now. Are you ok?" Donna asked, wishing they could have broken the news in person, wishing they hadn't had to break the news at all.

"I'm going to throw up." CJ practically ran to the bathroom, gripping the wall as she went. Slipping down on to the sterile white tile she threw up until her throat hurt.

Danny followed the sound of retching, wondering if they were finally going to be adding to their family. "You okay, Baby?"

She shook her head and tried to sit up. Gently, she crawled up and gulped down handfuls of cold water from the tap. Dishevelled, but calmer she stood up. "I need to phone Donna back."

"CJ?" he asked, his fingers stroking her back lightly.

"Toby's missing."

He didn't know what to say. It was the last thing he had expected. He liked Toby, despite their regular spats, and opposing views on most things, and he was concerned that he was missing but he didn`t like the over-reaction CJ was having. "Missing?"

"He went scuba diving," she offered shakily. "And now he's missing."

Something sparked inside him, unexpected and unconscionable, that made him turn away from her.

"I need to phone Donna."

"I'm sure she'll phone when she has more information," he said, his voice more controlled than he felt. " If he's gone scuba diving, he might have decided to go off somewhere, taken a side trip or something."

CJ stared at his back, confused and feeling helpless. She wanted to be engulfed in his arms, and to feel safe but he was putting distance between them. "Not without telling Andi, and I'm pretty sure Josh would know by now." When he still didn't turn she pushed passed him and walked back towards the family room. "Donna, it's me," she said, once her friend picked up.

"Hey. Just give me a second. Josh is on with the airline. Apparently you can't fly direct so we have to change in Paris. Make it two tickets, Josh."

"Donna, tell him three," CJ said instinctively, without even considering the practicalities.

"Josh, CJ's coming with us." Donna gave her partner a self-satisfied smirk as if to say she knew better than him. "If you can get on the United Airlines at 11.30 you'll make the connection."

"I'll be there. Get Josh to book the ticket. I`ll pick it up at the desk."

"You're going to DC?" Danny asked stunned, catching the end of the conversation.

"We're going to find Toby."

Danny stared back at her. "What about the baby? Me? Your job? You're just going to abandon everything?"

"He's my oldest friend, Danny," she replied softly, picking up Martha and holding her against her chest.

"Who you've barely seen in four years," Danny stated, his tone laced with glanced up from gazing at the toddler to look at him.

"You think that matters? I can`t explain it, I can't explain what's driving me but I need to go." She had always had an emotional relationship with Toby, never a physical relationship and as crazy as it was she sensed he was alive, but that if she wasn't there, he wouldn't be for long. He would, she was sure, do the same thing for her. "I'll take the little one with me if you want me too. And as for work, I'm entitled to vacation time."

"I can take care of our child."

CJ walked into her bedroom and placed Martha begrudgingly on the bed as she tossed an assortment of clothes into an oversized travel bag, adding toiletries and a photo of her baby. She would miss her desperately but she would be safe with Danny. It wasn't as if she hadn't left her before, they both travelled for work, they were better parents for it, this time she knew there was more to Danny's mood. "I don't know how long I'll be gone but I'll phone every night. And you have Carol`s number and my brothers if something comes up."

"Yeah?"

"I thought we'd . . .," she started, changing her mind. ". . . I'd gotten better at this but obviously not. I need to go find my best friend. It's not a competition." Quickly, she hugged her daughter to her, kissing her hair before stepping towards Danny. "I love you." Lightly she pressed her lips to his, sighing when he didn't respond.


	2. Chapter 2

**Apologies for the few typos in the last chapter but the site reformats my document every time I upload and words randomly get missed out. Hopefully this is better. **

**Sometimes I Love You**

**Chapter Two**

Josh slung his back pack over his shoulder and put on his shades, not entirely sure what he was going to do or what they would achieve. It had been instinct that had him flying across the world to help his friend. He only hoped this time he wouldn't be escorting a body home.

"You're blocking the doorway," Donna hissed, nudging him gently.

"He's not used to the outside," CJ grinned. "Better apply some sun screen, Mon Ami, before you blend into the tarmac. Ok, so we grab the bags and then what?"She had been keyed up and tense by the time she had landed at Dulles airport, angry at Danny for being everything she expected, worried about Toby and part of her dreading the flight with Josh. She had nothing to worry about. The feel of Josh's arms around her and Donna tight embrace had calmed her somewhat before they had boarded the 747 to Paris. It had been a long flight, and with Josh sleeping soundly she and Donna had traded stories and news. All too often life got in the way of her friendships and time with Donna always made her laugh. It was though the last twelve years hadn't happened and they were on the first campaign, sleeping whenever and wherever they could. The only thing missing was Toby, yelling, screaming and pacing the plane as he tried to write. The reminder that he was missing brought her back to earth with a bump. CJ had slept through the second flight, her dreams confused and slightly frightening, before she awoke with a start as the captain announced they were landing.

The small plane ride they had endured to the small island was definitely not Air Force One, and it only served to heighten CJ's concern and she was thankful that she hadn`t eaten much since breakfast.

Josh placed a hand on each woman's back, guiding them down the steps. "We need to head to the hotel."

"And how do we do that?"

"By boat."

CJ inwardly groaned, knowing from past experience that most likely sea sickness would surely follow. "Why would Toby chose someone in the middle of nowhere?"

"He needed to get away," Donna offered casually, not wanting to discuss his state of mind with CJ or admit that she had seen traits in him the last few months that worried her.

"This just doesn't seem like somewhere he would chose," CJ commented dryly.

"A lot's changed since . . .well, you'know."

Of course Donna meant since Toby committed treason, since Toby almost spent time in prison, since she had the baby.

"Of course it could also have been he wanted to spend time somewhere where he could whine all the time," Josh added. "We all know how much he liked to complain."

"Yeah, 'cause you're a bundle of laughs to be around," Donna snarked.

Although she rolled her eyes, CJ couldn't help but laugh. So much had changed, but some things would always remain the same.

"He really wanted to disappear, didn't he," Josh commented as they finally made their way up the ramp and on to the jetty.

The hotel was set on a remote beach, accessible only by small boat and although it was beautiful it lacked the home comforts Josh had become accustomed to. He also didn't like the idea of waking up and finding a scorpion in his bed.

CJ and Donna walked along the jetty wondering when they had stepped into the pages of Robinson Crusoe. The main lodge consisted of several buildings built of little more than mangrove poles and coconut like thatch.

"How did you get us booked in here?" CJ asked as she glanced around the reception area.

"I still have friends in high places. I called in a favour."

"Mr. Lyman."

Josh turned and acknowledged the voice. Within a few minutes they were being shown to their rooms.

CJ walked along the rickety little mangrove pole path towards her room, or at least what they classed as a room. When she had first seen them from the boat she had assumed they were storage facilities but they were actually tents.

"You seem a little surprised, Miss Cregg."

She nodded. "I wasn't expecting a tent. I've known Toby twenty odd years and a tent isn't what I would associate with him."

"I don't think he was expecting it either." He smiled in amusement as he remembered the man's reaction to the accommodations. "They are quite safe. The platform keeps most of the critters away, the canvas is sturdy when we have storms and the thatched roof helps when we have rain." The manager opened the door and waited for her to enter. "I hope you don't mind but we've left Mr. Ziegler's things in here for you."

CJ glanced around the room, her eyes finally settling on the small framed photo on the bedside table. "Nothing's missing?"

It was a pointless question. She knew he hadn't run away. He would never have left behind a photo of the twins.

"I honestly wouldn't know Miss. Cregg. But I can assure you the staff . . ."

"Thank you." She suddenly wanted to be alone.

"Of course." He slipped away silently.

CJ walked around the room, her fingers lightly running along the top of his case, trying somehow to summon up where he was. They had always had an emotional connection, distance and time proving only a minor obstacle to their friendship. She hoped it would work just as well in locating him.

The room wasn't what she expected. The room was basic with only the minimal of furniture but the double bed looked comfortable and she could make out the veranda beyond the tent door and what was a wonderful view. But Toby liked solid beds, security and he hated the outdoors. The `tent' as they liked to refer to the rooms had an open air bathroom, little security other than a floor safe and the bed was closer to the floor than Toby had ever been. She really couldn't imagine him feeling at home there.

Opening the wardrobe, she noted it was empty, his clothes she suspected neatly packed by a member of the staff.

A knock at the door broke into her reverie. Opening it, she came face to face with Josh."He's not running away."

"Ok."

"His stuff is here," CJ indicated the luggage stacked in the corner.

"Did you really think he was?"

She shook her head.

"The local police Chief has agreed to meet with us in an hour. So freshen up and meet us in the bar." He indicated the building hanging over the sea on a jetty.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

When CJ had changed into something more appropriate to the temperature, and applied enough repellent to kill a small army, she headed down to the bar and found her two companions talking to a young man.

"This is CJ Cregg," Josh announced, rising to his feet and placing a hand on CJ's back. "This officer is going to take us to the police station."

"Hey. When you say take us . . ." Her stomach began to somersault as she realized the implication.

Josh turned and pointed to the small speedboat tied to the jetty.

Her stomach flipped at the idea of yet another journey over water.

"If you would like to follow me." Once the officer had them safely seated in the boat, he turned and grinned. "You may find it better if you hold on."

Silently Josh cursed Toby, while his face turned an ashen grey.

The police headquarters, or rather the three room shack it occupied, did little to build optimism as the police chief welcomed them into his office and opened a bottle of rum. "A drink?"

Donna was about to refuse when Josh interrupted, accepting something to settle his stomach on behalf of all of them.

As the Chief poured four generous glasses of the thick brown liquid, he continued to fill them in on the history of the islands and the background on his small force. As they sipped their drinks, he finally returned their attention to Toby.

"Mr Ziegler, as you are aware was last seen on board the dive boat. They were closer to the mainland, than here, looking at the wreck. Unfortunately, no one is really sure if he dived off or whether he fell overboard at some point or what actually happened. The alarm was raised when they reached the hotel." The Chief's forehead furrowed as he pointed to the large area of blue between the island and the mainland.

"How long?" Josh asked, swallowing hard as he glanced surreptitiously at CJ.

"It's sketchy. Maybe a few hours, maybe less, depending. . ." The Chief replied, mindful of the tension in the room.

CJ sucked in breath, in the knowledge that he could drown in considerably less time.

Josh leaned forward, his attention on the map that covered the desk. "How large an area are we talking about?"

The Chief indicated the large circle drawn in thick black pen. "The blue pen indicates the route the boat took." He sipped his rum. "The red crosses are the beaches we have already searched. And the green dots are the localities we are looking at today, but if he went overboard it is possible he drowned and well. . ." He paused. "Sharks."

Josh stared back at the officer, not sure if he was pissed at Toby for disappearing or the police officer for being so damned pessimistic.

"Well, let's work on the premise he's alive, shall we?" Donna asked, faking a smile, her hand gently rubbing Josh`s back, dreading what was going through his mind.

"Naturally." He smiled back. "We have local fishermen searching the coastline, we have men out in boats and on the mainland. They'll call it a day in another hour or so."

"He hasn't run away," CJ stated firmly, "he went diving." She pushed the practically full glass away from her in disgust.

The officer widened his grin, not in the least bit fazed by the Americans. He had lived in the islands all his life, had seen most things and fully expected that the loner had chosen to disappear for a while.

"I'd like to go out and look for him," Josh announced, hoping the hotel reception would have enough travel sickness medication in stock to get him through the search.

"Can you sail?"

"Dear God, no," Donna interjected and jabbed her finger in CJ's direction. "And she has a tendency to fall overboard."

CJ glared back at her in return.

"I can send you out with one of my men in the morning," the Chief announced, rising to his feet. "Are the ladies planning to join you?"

"Yes," CJ announced enthusiastically, almost not caring that she would be spending all day out on a boat. She hadn't come to spend her days lazing on the beach and she hoped if anyone could second guess Toby it would be her.

"I'll have Harris return you to the hotel and pick you up around daybreak."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The three friends had eaten dinner in the restaurant on the beach under the clearest night sky with the sea lapping at the stilts. The conversation remaining stilted as they stared out at the sea trying to find him, hoping for some sign, trying unsuccessfully to pretend it was normal for the three of them to be vacationing together.

Around ten, feeling uncomfortable, CJ had excused herself. Forcing a yawn and citing the need for an early night she had hugged them both goodnight before setting off towards the windy path back to her tent. After a few minutes she changed course and headed towards the water.

Walking along the beach, CJ stared out at the clear blue waters, thinking about Toby. She couldn't remember exactly when they had last talked. She was certain it had been more than a month but she did remember them arguing. Of course they always ended up arguing about something, neither willing to admit the other was right, neither wanting to admit they missed the other, prolonging the conversation however they could. Theirs had always been more of an emotional relationship than a physical one, mainly because he hadn't asked her and she really wasn't sure what she would have done if he had. It didn't change the fact she loved him and that she had wondered the possibilities over the year. Of all the men she had ever worked with it was his approval that had meant the most, his reaction she searched for when she had embarked on her brief lip-synching career and his smile she struggled so hard to get. To her knowledge other than his wife he had never apologised to anyone but her.

They had always shared a connection, their friendship based on a strange bond that thrived when they were apart, distance never a hinder to how they felt. It was often harder to be together and admit things, but he had always been there when and wherever she needed him. It didn't mean there weren't times she hated him or he  
wanted to beat sense into her, but they always forgave each other.

Bending down, she removed her sandals and enjoyed the feel of the white sands slipping through her toes. He was alive, she was certain, something inside her told her she'd know if he was dead and if he'd chosen to run she'd know that too.

The wide sweeping beach had already been searched she knew, but the brochure in her room had eluded to more intimate coves, reached only by boat. She would ask tomorrow about those areas, and she wouldn`t go home until she found him.

Weariness suddenly came over her and she decided to head back to bed, a long day ahead of her, an even longer one behind her.

Discarding her clothes, and pulling the nets down over the open flaps of the tent, she climbed into bed in her underwear. Despite it`s softness and the Egyptian cotton sheets, CJ couldn't get comfortable. Finally she threw half the cushions and pillows across the room, smiling as she imagined Toby in a temper doing the same. A  
few days before he had been in the same bed, surrounded she was sure by papers and pens and his clothes. It was comforting but she also missed him, wishing he was there with her, wishing that he was holding her. That thought alone was enough to give her insomnia.

She drifted off to sleep briefly, waking suddenly at the sound of the tree frogs. Closing her eyes again, she tried to block out the sounds of the night but the thin layer of canvas was doing little to distance her from the atmosphere of the forest at night. Instead of sleeping soundly, exhausted, CJ lay awake half the night listening to the bush babies chasing each other around and crying in the canopy above and the waters of the Indian Ocean lapping at the beach.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

CJ wasn't sure where she was when she woke up to the sound of the ocean and the canvas undulating in the breeze. The warm air brushing her cheek briefly reminded her of summers in Napa and brought a smile to her lips as she crossed from slumber to full consciousness. She rolled over and opened her eyes and the iguana like thing on her bed brought her crashing back to reality. She fell out of bed and scrambled to her feet as she tried unsuccessfully to shoo the creature from her sheets. Finally, reluctantly, she declared defeat and set about getting ready, moving around the room with one eye focused on the now dozing creature.

"Sleep well?" Donna asked, as CJ crossed the restaurant to join her twenty minutes later.

"Not really. What with the sea and the frogs? You?" And the thought of snakes slithering into her room, she didn't add.

Donna grinned back. "We weren't actually trying to sleep."

They had always shared too much information, every intrinsic detail confided while they had offices down the hall from each other, emails when they were apart. Sometimes it was a little too much.

"More than you wanted to know?" Donna asked, the grin widening.

"A little." CJ settled herself on the chair and helped herself to coffee. "Where is the sex machine?"

"Still in the shower."

"I never did understand why a man who looks that unkempt spends so much time getting ready."

"Just one of those inexplicable things," Donna commented dryly. "I told him we'd save him coffee and some food."

"What's that?" CJ pointed to what had to be the ugliest fruit she had ever seen.

"A Bongo fruit. He needs more roughage in his diet. Too much information, again?" Donna asked, her face contorting as she realised what she had said.

CJ nodded. "I can live without." She sipped her coffee and toyed with her fruit salad.

"You ok?" Donna leaned forward, her hand gently resting on top of her friend's. "We're gonna find him, CJ."

She gave her friend a small smile. "I keep telling myself that." And she did, over and over again to the point it was becoming her mantra. One way or another he was going home with them, she was just leaning towards the more animate option.

________________________________________

CJ took the pilot's hand and allowed him to guide her into the boat. It rocked slightly and she grasped the side to steady herself.

"Are you going to be ok?"

She nodded mutely, her stomach doing somersaults.

"When we get out to sea, just hold on. We're gonna head out and inspect some of the smaller coves on the islands north of the main land. It's about a hour to get out there," the young man in uniform offered, his face relaying his concern.

She could think of nothing worse than an hour rocking about on a speedboat, but it was for Toby. And when she found him she'd make him pay.

She watched as Josh and Donna pulled out from the jetty and disappeared out of sight. Then she was moving and they were heading off in the same direction. CJ closed her eyes and silently mouthed a prayer that she wouldn't end up over the side.

"If you try and breathe ma'am."

CJ opened her eyes to find the officer sat before her, focused intently on her face.

"It won't be so bad once we get out to sea and then when we reach the coves we'll get out and explore beyond the beach." He didn't honestly expect to find anything but the missing man it seemed was important and they would, he was ensured, do everything they could to help locate him.

"Really?" she asked sceptically.

He smiled unconvincingly as they hit another wave and CJ closed her eyes again, her breathing more laboured than before.

________________________________________

"Excuse me, Mrs Cregg."

CJ stopped walking and turned at the sound of the unfamiliar voice.

"There is a phone call for you."

"Ok. Where do I take it?" She asked, waiting for the gardener to reach her. "Did they say who it was?" She assumed it was Danny phoning to ask when she was coming home. She had phoned him yesterday afternoon after her first unsuccessful trip out on the boat and he'd been pretty pissed at her still. The latest day's trip out on the high seas had left her feeling less than contented. The last thing she really needed was him yelling at her but if it meant she got to talk to the baby then maybe, just maybe, it would be worth it.

"You can use the manager's office."

CJ fell into step with him. "Did they give a name?"

"No, Ma'am. Just said to say it was an old friend from home."

Her thoughts immediately turned to Leo and his code word for when a disaster was looming. She knew in an instant who it was.

The air conditioning was blowing out full belt when she entered the small office decorated in rich red wood and filled with books. It was comforting and strangely reminiscent of Toby's office many years before. It was also a relief to be somewhere cool and relaxing.

"Just press number one when you're ready."

CJ settled herself in the high backed seat and picked up the receiver. "Good afternoon, Mr President."

"Jed, Claudia Jean, please." He took a second to listen to her breathing, detecting a smile. "So are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Sir."

"And how is the search going?" Jed asked, pacing the porch of the farm house

"They're running out of beach to search." She brushed her hair from her face and sighed. "It's a big ocean and if he's down there. . ."

Jed chuckled lightly. "Geography never was your area of expertise. Now, Toby, he would have quoted the size and depth. You're not giving up on him, are you?"

"I just . . ." CJ faltered, not really sure what she was thinking. She'd only been searching for two days and already she was aware how difficult the situation was.

"Claudia Jean, you better than anyone knows Toby, you have the strangest relationship I have ever known. I have never known two people who love each other as much as you do but have never . . . Anyway what do I know. In your heart does it feel like he's gone?" he asked, his voice taking on a softer fatherly tone.

She shook her head. "No." She just wasn't sure love was enough to find him.

"Then don't give up hope." He squeezed Abbey's hand. "Abbey sends her love. And as I said to Josh, put whatever you need on the bill."

It suddenly became clearer to her then, how Josh was able to fly half way across the world and get them into a five star lodge. "Give my love to Abbey."

"CJ, when you pull his sorry arse out of wherever he's been for the last few days tell him it's time we went round and round."

"Yes, Sir." CJ said, her lips quirking back up into a smile.

"We love you. Take care."

CJ returned the phone to it's cradle and leaned back in the chair, feeling a little more hopeful, or if not hopeful, more determined, about the future.


	5. Chapter 5

Apologies for the delay but I had a rather big project to do for my Open University course. The final part is finished so will be up in a few days.

Notes and disclaimers in part one.

Chapter Five

The search had been going on for five days and CJ had been out every day for the last three but after careful consideration the police chief had decided the previous evening to start downsizing the search to a few men. It was probably the wisest course of action as they were running out of places to search and everyone was close to exhaustion. There was also the unspoken opinion that Toby's body lay at the bottom of the ocean.

CJ didn't need it voiced. She knew what they were thinking but she still wasn't ready to give up. Every night she walked the beach alone she could hear his voice in her head, berating her, teasing her and sometimes ordering her to keep looking. At dusk that decision was going to be taken out of her hands and she had yet to find a solution. There was also the fact she had come to several conclusions over the previous few days and they all involved him standing in front of her while she told him what she wanted and possibly beat him with a stick.

Today she had been up for dawn and waiting at the jetty when the boat pulled in. Her stomach wasn't entirely happy about the situation but Dramamine and not eating anything other than fruit helped. For the last half an hour they had been cruising towards one of the dozen or so smaller islands still left to search. The swell rocked gently as they circumvented the beach, three pairs of eyes focused on the shoreline. It was the second island since breakfast and so far all they had seen were turtles and dolphins. Not that the view wasn't beautiful. The sea was a crisp azure colour, fish and seaweed the only contrast to the white sand on the bottom while white sand beaches mingled with deep and vibrant green foliage. Had she been there for any other reason CJ might have found herself relaxed and calmed by it all, unfortunately all she could think about was Toby.

One of the men moved suddenly and the boat rocked unceremoniously. CJ grabbed the side and closed her eyes willing the motion to stop or at least slow so she could regain her balance. Then she heard it. The distinctive sound of hope. Opening her eyes, she turned to the young police officer who had been by her side the last few days.

"We need to move in closer, Miss, Cregg. There's something on the beach."

CJ followed his direction of his hand and squinted. There was definitely something washed up on the beach, and whilst there were no indications it was moving it looked human.

"Hold on, Miss Cregg," he offered as the boat lurched and the engine moved to full throttle.

CJ did as she was told as they sped closer to the shore, stopping yards out as the men disembarked and waded onto the beach. She waited, not sure what to do until the adrenaline took over and she eased herself over the side and made her way cautiously to the beach.

The young officer turned to look at her. "He's alive, just. We need to get him to the main land."

CJ didn't hear the rest of his words as she ran onto the beach and dropped to her knees.

Toby's eyes were closed, his body red and blistered as he lay on the sand but she could hear the shallowest of breaths.

Gently, she touched his cheek, her fingers momentarily turning the skin white with the lightest of pressure. When he didn't stir she slipped her hand in his, holding tightly as the men talked around her. CJ leaned in and spoke softly, her mouth barely inches from his face. "Toby, it's me, CJ. Toby, I need you to wake up."

"Miss Cregg."

She looked up but didn't release her grip.

"We're going to move Mr. Ziegler onto the boat and take him to the mainland. A helicopter will fly him to the hospital. From there we can organise a car to take you."

She nodded. "Toby, we're going to take you home." She rose reluctantly, her hand still entwined with his as the men lifted him, carrying him carefully towards the boat.

A few minutes later they were speeding away from the island, his head in her lap as she tried to give him water, a few sips at a time while one of the men tipped sea water over his body trying to cool his skin. Toby barely stirred, his eyes opening intermittently as they drew closer to the mainland, never really focusing, his body stiffening as the water hit large red blisters.

CJ watched as they loaded the stretcher onto the helicopter, having reluctantly released his hand. She wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come. She wanted to scream. More than anything she wanted to get on the craft with him. Instead she stood and stared in silence, her eyes never leaving the helicopter until it disappeared into the distance.

"CJ," Donna said, her hand lightly squeezing her arm. "There's a car waiting." They had received a call over the radio and had reached the shore only minutes before Toby had arrived. Now they were preparing to drive to the hospital, to once again gather in a waiting room and pray for good news.

CJ nodded, allowing her friend to put her in the car, silence enveloping the group as the car sped along winding rocky roads.

_____________________

Toby slowly opened his eyes and tried to focus. The whitewashed walls told him he was still in a hospital, the smell told him it was meal time again. He had no idea how he'd gotten there or even how long he'd been there, just that it was cool and his head no longer throbbed. Turning his head slowly, he saw her, his lips quirking into a smile by convention.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice still husky despite the constant flow of liquids.

It was hardly the greeting she wanted after the last few days but it was to be expected. Toby had never been one to show emotion or even to accept help, except on those rare occasions he actually let her in. CJ leaned in, her voice soft, "I'm glad you're ok."

He turned his head slightly to scan the room and winced as his body brushed against the cotton sheets and he remembered the blisters and bruises. "Is Danny here?"

CJ shook her head, acknowledging that he had been unconscious on her last few visits. "I'm here with Josh and Donna. They're getting coffee and making calls."

"Still the third wheel." He would have tried for something funnier or more cutting but his mind still seemed to be hazy as if he wasn't quite in the room.

CJ bit back a retort and rose to her feet before pacing the room, her back to him as she tried to hide the bevy of emotions that were surging through her body. He always knew how to annoy her, anger her, upset her and occasionally make her want to dance the night away with him. There had never been an occasion until now that she had wanted to crawl into bed beside him and never move.

"CJ? I was teasing." He waited for her to stop moving. "Do you think you could sit down? You're making me dizzy." He tried to sit up but changed his mind, settling for turning slightly to his side.

She stopped as suddenly as she had started and dropped back into the chair.

"So when can I get out of here?" Toby asked.

"Apparently you can just walk out of here tomorrow," CJ said, her voice filled with disbelief. "Other than sunstroke and dehydration, you're classed as fine. Well as fine as you'll ever be."

Toby allowed himself a small smile. "Of course I've also lost a little weight."

"But you almost. . . " she trailed off, not wanting to voice her greatest fear.

Of course she wanted him out of there, and home safe in DC but there was also the fact that Toby's release would also mean she had to make some calls and some rather sizeable decisions.

"Died?" He reached for her hand, his fingers gently stroking her knuckles, his feelings for her making him more demonstrative than he would normally allow himself. "Can't get rid of me that easily."

"I know." She nodded, fleetingly avoiding his gaze.

He lightly released her hand, tugging it towards him so that she would finally look at him. "So Josh tells me you're crashing in my room."

"What else did Josh tell you?" she asked, a little too quickly.

Toby suddenly perked up interest. "Is there something. . .?" Josh had been his usual evasive self and the younger man had seemed reluctant to talk about anything.

"No." She rose to her feet. "I should go, let you rest."

"You flew half way around the world to find me and now we're alone and you run away." Later he would blame it on a near-death experience, or the fact he had spent four days stranded on a beach with time to contemplate his mistakes. Or he could find himself a shrink and try to ascertain why he could hear her voice when she was nowhere near him. But he had thought about her constantly.

"You need to rest," CJ said lightly, leaning in to gently place a kiss to his forehead.

"I can do that on the plane."

She raised an eyebrow, the smallest of smiles tugging at her lips..

"It sounded better than . . . When I'm dead."

"Much," she admitted, unconsciously leaning to gently stroke his cheek.

"So are you going to tell me why you keep running away?"

CJ shrugged, shifting position ever so slightly to put distance between them. "Maybe when I figure it out."

There was a brief moment of awkward silence when they stared at each other, eyes deliberately avoiding making contact as each contemplated what was happening.

"Do you want to do something tomorrow night? Dinner maybe, just the two of us?" he asked in a rush, all manner of thoughts fleeting through his mind.

"What about Josh and Donna?"

"Rampant rabbit and the energiser bunny can occupy themselves. I'd like to take you to dinner. Who knows when we might get another opportunity." The chances were that the second they landed in DC she would be on the next plane to California. There was also the more scary thought that she would want to take him with her.

"Are you up to it?"

"Dinner? Yeah, I think I can do that."

She pondered the idea, confusion outweighing concern for his health. Dinner sounded so simple when he said it and they had done it before, of course before was before she realized she loved him. Dinner now had a thousand connotations but none of them were as alarming as going back to California without some sort of resolution. "Ok."

He grinned on the outside for a change. "Go, lay on the beach and get rid of the tan lines." The image was enough to turn his already red skin a pink hue.

"And you?"

"Josh is coming by to keep me company and make sure I can get the hell outta here in the morning," he replied, his eyelids already fluttering shut.


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok, so it's finally done. I'm not sure about the very end, but it's where I wanted them to end up. **

**Chapter Six**

It was a perfect night as the moon cast a flawless crescent shadow on the deep azure water. Toby walked the beach alone, strangely calmed by the sound of the waves lapping at the beach and the feel of the sand between his toes. Every muscle in his body ached and everywhere he went there was an aroma of aloe vera, but he was alive and he knew in time the sores would heal. The days stranded between the waves and the shore had left him too much time for incoherent thought and now his thoughts were starting to merge into hopes, which had never brought him joy in the past.

CJ was still in their room, getting ready, and enjoying a few minutes without his constant musing. It mildly amuse him that they were sharing a room, as they had intermittently on the campaign, but her options were somewhat limited. The hotel was full and she didn't much feel like sharing with Josh and Donna. Instead she had chosen to take a cot in his tent and they had bickered ever since, but playful and with a tenderness they had both managed to keep hidden before.

"You're becoming quite the outdoors type," CJ teased, coming up behind him and briefly brushing his fingers with her own, fearful to touch any other part in case she hurt him.

He turned and almost forgot how to breathe as his eyes drifted down her body and back to her face.

"Are you feeling ok?" she asked gently, a small smile teasing at her lips.

"You look . . ." He fumbled for the right word, never sure of his abilities when it came to her. ". . . amazing."

CJ blushed, thankful for the semi-darkness. "Thank you. So are you up to dinner?"

"Yeah. But I warn you now, I'm not allowed alcohol so if you've got any ideas about getting me drunk and taking advantage, sorry you're out of luck."

She rolled her eyes, falling into step with him, her mind rushing through the other times they had flirted and danced around the issue.

Toby gently placed a hand on her back, his confidence restored by her silence as he guided her silently down towards the jetty.

"You're being very mysterious tonight," she commented lightly, casting small sideways glances in his direction.

"I thought you should experience at least one of the things the islands are famous for before you head home."

"I didn't come for a holiday." She stopped walking and his hand softly guided her forwards.

"I know but . . .," he trailed off, not really sure why he had suggested they spend an evening alone, other than it was possibly the only chance they would get to be alone. "If you'd rather we ate in the restaurant. . ."

"Wow!" She took in the small Dhow, strung with tiny lights and came to a halt. It was totally unlike Toby although she knew he had always been a bit of a romantic. His gestures to her had always been chaste and silent and reserved. The boat was something else.

"I thought we could have dinner and watch the sun set. And . . ."

She turned to look at him.

"Well I realise we missed sunset." His eyebrows quirked upwards as she blushed. Around sunset they had still been trying to negotiate taking showers in the less than private bathroom. In the end she had taken to the small decking to enjoy the view while he suffered through a tepid shower. "And I know it's a boat, but well I thought we should get back on the horse."

The idea of a night sailing wasn't exactly an appealing one for either of them but she couldn't refuse him, not after everything and not when he was staring at her like that. She couldn't quite place the look on his face but she liked it and it briefly reminded her that she wasn't past that indescribable feeling from her youth.

"We'll sail up the coast, never far from shore. I'll even hold your hand," he said, trying to appease what he thought was her fear. "You can drink expensive wine, I can drink more water, and we'll eat proper food and I can make fun of you. . . Or something."

"Sounds like a typical evening," she retorted, her tone laced with a smile.

He raised an eyebrow.

"I remember the old days too, Toby. They weren't so bad," she said, lacing her fingers with him and indicating with a tug that he should help her onboard

____________________________

Dinner had been an unique experience as they sailed up the coast with only the stars, the moon and the two crew for company. The crew served them each course before disappearing into the darkness - the platter of herbed fish rolled in extra thin, crispy pastry, stuffed vegetables and light fragrant curries had disappeared to be replaced with fruit and bite sized pastries.

A little heady from the wine, CJ had taken his hand and they had made their way up on to the deck. Soft cotton pillows had been scattered on the wooden deck and they lay on the dhow, staring up at the stars, Toby's arm behind his head, CJ's head brushing against his shoulder.

CJ closed her eyes, listening to the gentle swell of the waves and his heart beating. When she had first heard he was missing she had honestly thought she should go as his friend. Finding him close to death had convinced her otherwise and now in the enforced quiet she was once again analysing everything. Tomorrow they would get on a plane and return to their lives, their paths crossing only a few times a year. She was convinced that wasn't what she wanted but it wasn't so easy to know what he wanted. "You told me once I should stop bouncing around and pick something," she said finally, turning her head slightly to look at his face.

The conversation had been light and reminiscing all night and he was enjoying the settled feeling she invoked in him but it was clear from her comment that the tone of the evening was about to change. "I think I said something about bouncing between men," he corrected, a nervous smile twitching at his lips.

"Yeah." She swatted him lightly. "Anyway, I didn't know what I wanted then. I do now." She stopped and waited, hoping that he was ready for the conversation too.

"And?" he asked, waiting for her to announce something profound, some new career direction.

"You." She continued to lay beside him, returning to staring at the sky.

"Me?" he asked, his tone half confused, half hopeful.

"I want you, Toby," she repeated, rolling onto her side and gazing up into his deep chocolatey eyes.

"I like the sentiment. . ." he hesitated, wondering not for the first time what the hell was going on.

CJ took a deep breath, almost scared to voice her feelings out loud. "It didn't occur to me when I dropped everything to get on a plane what it meant."

"CJ," he warned mildly.

She placed a hand on his chest. "I think maybe Danny got it before me, maybe understood that the decision was being made. But ever since I've been here I've felt closer to you. It's like all the sexual tension has sudden gone. . ."

His face dropped, as the words sunk in.

". . .And what's left is this need I've never, well maybe once, felt. And I can't. . .Toby," she said, in a rush of frustration. "I spoke to Danny earlier. I think we're going to call it a day."

His heart literally skipped a beat as he gazed down at her closed lids. Her eyes refusing to lock with his as she bared her soul.

"That is to say I'm going home to finalise things, talk, figure out how we can move on. That's if. . . Well no, it's over, but . . . I'm hoping we're not." Relationships had never been her strong point, and for a communications major she was even worse at communicating her feelings. "I don't know how you feel . . ."

Toby propped himself up on his elbow, watching her face. "So tonight is our . . . What? Our first date?"

"Toby." She gently stroked his beard, her eyes opening to reveal more than he could ever of hoped for. "It can be whatever you want it to be but I want to give us a chance. Not just for a night in the middle of the ocean."

"But nights too?" he asked, his smile widening as he realised that his best friend was really asking him out, really felt the same way, and that he had one last chance at happiness.

"Yes, Toby," CJ laughed, changing position so that she was leaning over him, gazing into his eyes. "If only to prove I'm great in bed."

"Well, I like the sentiment, but um, I'm not sure I'm really . . ." The rest of his sentence was lost as she leaned down and lightly brushed her lips against his. Their first kiss was gently but held a promise that somewhere in his future was a night to remember. "CJ," he whispered between kisses.

"Uh-huh."

"Sometimes I love you," he whispered before his lips found hers and he finally got to experience his twenty-year wish to make out with her.

The End


End file.
